Of Cabbages and Kings....

Kevin Smith tweeted that when he had the idea for Clerks 3, he woke up in the middle of the night, noticed the time was 4:20 in the morning, took it as a sign and went from there.

I just noticed that it was 4:11 in the morning, which is the number one dials for information, took it as a sign and started to write something.

I hope it's something informative, which is a bad segue, but if I stop now I won't finish, and writing is my central coping mechanism.

Lately I've been stressed, as stressed as I was before my stroke, which is worrisome because I'm on an antidepressant now and it shouldn't be possible for me to get depressed. The last time I was this depressed on my antidepressant, it scared me. I moved out of my parents' house, where I had moved with my family after my stroke.

Which wasn't a bad decision. Living with one's parents is never easy, plus just before I moved in I learned my father and mother had been lying to me about the biological parentage of my cousin, Michael. I needed space, before I snapped and said hateful things that I couldn't take back.

The situation in the last few weeks eerily resembles the time before I had my stroke. We're having money problems. A good friend of ours is having marital problems, so we don't see them as often as we used to, which leaves a big hole in our social calendar. Like last time they were our primary gaming partners and they had a young child, which is a serious situation when you have children and they notice the absence of this other child from their lives.

Also the one less child to buy a present for at Christmas becomes awkward.

But I'm meandering away from the subject, which (if there was a subject) would be that I am unduly stressed and worried about my health.

My chest has been sore for a week and I've been ignoring it, because Robin is stressed over work related issues and I don't want to cause her more stress. She's already told me that I'm not allowed to have a heart attack, and having watched how she coped with my stroke, I don't want to put her through that again.

Also like last time, my medical coverage is in limbo. My disability was recently cancelled and we got it reinstated, but they medical coverage runs out in July.

Which wouldn't matter, since I was about to go back to work and was about to get a driver's license, but I'm fairly certain that was tied to my being on SSI and since now I'm not (and since Robin hasn't mentioned it for a while and I never went to Lexington for my eye test) I'm pretty sure that dream evaporated.

Which causes even more stress.

Lastly and leastly, I said writing was my central coping mechanism, but in no way was it my only way to cope. I had comic books (which I haven't been able to pick up for three weeks because of our cash flow problem), cleaning (which Robin complains when I start to clean because she can't relax, regardless of the fact that I sit around and watch television all day while she drives across the state for her job), movies (Iron Man 3 has been out for two weekends and Star Trek 2 just came out, the last movie I saw at the theater was GI Joe Retaliation, and that was a once in the summer fluke) and laundry (which I can't easily carry since the stroke).